And then I’m knocking shit down and yelling and carrying on about whatever the fuck and you don’t say a word, and then you don’t say a fucking word because there’s a big empty parking lot between us, there’s a big empty mall parking lot between us and I want the best parking spot of course and it’s not raining but it might and it’s not early enough for me to be this upset but I am. You see the careful lines, you see all the empty water bottles lined up so neat on my desk. I haven’t done one bit of work but each time the phone beeps I feel a little bit closer to that next nervous breakdown where I go home and clean the dishes until they turn to dust and take out every bit of trash and get a bucket of bleach to scrub the fuck out of the tub and you say IT’S GOOD TO CLEAN and you don’t say SOMETIMES I AM AFRAID but sometimes, you know, you really are.
